The Shortest Fairy Tale
Once upon a time, a girl asked a guy, "Will you marry me?" The guy said, "No." And the girl lived happily ever after and she went shopping, dancing, camping, drank martinis, always had a clean house, never had to cook and farted whenever she wanted.

The End

When it is Okay To Fart In Public:
In your boss' office as you are turning to leave.
Tip- Make sure it's a silent one

In a bathroom

In a cashier's line - it might help to speed up things

In an empty elevator, before you get off

Next to an occupied changing room - it may quickly become unoccupied

In someone else's unoccupied cubicle at work

While parachuting

While scuba diving

In the back seat of a patrol car if you are arrested

During interrogation if you're the one being interrogated

In your car if you've been carjacked

In the changing room when you're sure someone else is waiting his/her turn

In your car once you've been pulled over. The cop may let you go quicker

During a pie eating competition to distract your competitors

While walking down a crowded hallway. Nobody will know whom to blame

A woman walks into a shop that sells very EXPENSIVE PERSIAN RUGS.

She looks around and spots the perfect rug and walks over to inspect it. As she bends to feel the texture of the rug she farts loudly. Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little accident and hopes a sales person does not pop up right now.

As she turns back, there, standing next to her is a salesman. "Good day Ma'am, how may we help you today?”

Very uncomfortably she asks, "Sir, how much does this rug cost?"

He answers, "Lady if you farted just touching it, you're gonna shit in your pants when you hear what the price is!