Kentucky hillbilly Herman James was drafted by the Army. On the first day as an enlisted man he was given a comb. The following day the Army barber sheared all of his hair off. On the third day the Army gave him a tooth brush. On the next day the Army dentist yanked several of his teeth out. On the fifth day he was given a jock strap......that afternoon Herman went AWOL.

It seems that a young man volunteered for military service during World War II.

He had such a high aptitude for aviation that he was sent right to Pensacola Naval Air Station, skipping recruit training.

The very first day at Pensacola he solos and is the best flier on the base. So they could do was give him his gold wings and assign him immediately to an aircraft carrier in the Pacific.

On his first day aboard, he took off and single-handedly shot down 6 enemy planes.

Noting that his fuel was getting low, he descended, circled the carrier and came in for a perfect landing on the deck.

He threw back the canopy, climbed out and jogged over to the captain. Saluting smartly he said, "Well sir, how did I do on my very first day?"

The captain turned around, bowed politely, and replied,

"You make one velly, velly selious mistake!"

An old Wild West fort is about to be attacked. The wily old general sends for his trusty Indian scout. "You must use all your thirty years of skill in trying to estimate the sort of army we are up against here."

The trusty Indian scout lies down and puts his ear to the ground. "Heap large war party," he says, "maybe three hundred braves, four chiefs, two on black stallions, two on white stallions. All have war paint. Many, many guns. Medicine man also with them."

"Good grief!" exclaims the general. "You can tell all of that just by listening to the ground?"

"No," replies the Indian, "I can see under the gate."

A young man joined the Army and signed up to be a paratrooper. He went through the standard training, completed the practice jumps from higher and higher structures and finally went to take his first jump from an aeroplane. The next day he called home to tell his father the news.

"So, did you jump?" asked the father.

"Well, let me tell you what happened. We got up in the plane, and the sergeant opened up the door and asked for volunteers. About a dozen men got up and just walked out of the plane."

"Is that when you jumped?" asked his father.

"Uh, no, I didn't. The sergeant started to grab the other men one at a time and throw them out the plane."

"Did you jump then?" asked his father.

"I'm getting to that. Everyone else had jumped and I was the last man left on the plane. I told the sergeant that I was too scared to jump. He told me to get off the plane or he'd kick my butt."

"So, did you jump?", the father again asked.

"No!!! He tried to push me out of the plane, but I grabbed onto the door and refused to go. Finally he called the Jump Master over. The Jump Master is this great big guy, about six-foot-five and 250 pounds.

He said to me, "Are you gonna jump or not?"

I said, "No sir, I'm too scared.

So the Jump Master pulled down his zipper and took out his you-know-what. "I swear Dad it was about 10 inches long and big around as a baseball bat!"

He said, 'Either you jump out that door or I'm sticking this little baby up your @ss."

"So, did you jump?" asked his father.

"Well, a little, at first"