Q What’s wrong with lawyer jokes?
A Lawyers don’t think they’re funny and nobody else thinks they’re jokes

A Statement About One Of The National Evils.
The Ten Commandments display was removed from the Alabama Supreme Court building. There was a good reason for the move.

You can't post Thou Shalt Not Steal, Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery and Thou Shalt Not Lie in a building full of lawyers and Politicians without creating a hostile work environment.

An airliner was having engine trouble and the pilot instructed the cabin crew to have the passengers take their seats and get prepared for an emergency landing. A few minutes later, the pilot asked the flight attendants if everyone was buckled in and ready. "All set back here, Captain," came the reply, "except for one lawyer who is still going around passing out business cards."

Once a Pope and a lawyer died and went to heaven.

God came and said, "Follow me and I will give you your rooms."

So they both followed. First God gave the Pope his room; it was very small with a small bed and a small desk. "Thank you, thank you my lord," said The Pope.

Then God gave the lawyer his room; it was big room with a big bed and a big deck with a pool and a pretty woman.

"Mr. God, why are you giving this room to me and the other one to The Pope?" the lawyer asked.

"Well, we get popes by the dozens, but you're our first lawyer."

The Lawyer's Creed: Every man is innocent until proven broke.

These two guys, George and Harry, set out in a Hot Air balloon to cross the Atlantic Ocean. After 37 hours in the air, George says "Harry, we better lose some altitude so we can see where we are". Harry lets out some of the hot air in the balloon, and the balloon descends to below the cloud cover.

George says, "I still can't tell where we are, lets ask that guy on the ground". So Harry yells down to the man "Hey, could you tell us where we are?". And the man on the ground yells back "You're in a balloon, 100 feet up in the air".

George turns to Harry and says "That man must be a lawyer".

And Harry says "How can you tell?".

George says "Because the advice he gave us is 100% accurate, and totally useless".

The defendant who pleads their own case has a fool for a client, but at least there will be no problem with fee-splitting.