Traffic
* Freeway congestion is getting so bad, you can change a tire without losing your place in line.

* All across the country rush hour traffic is bumper to bumper. The next thing they'll be selling is anti-perspirant to put under your car's fenders.

* Traffic is always heavy in both directions. There are just as many people trying to get to whatever you're trying to get away from.

* You have mixed feelings when you see an opening in rush hour traffic. You're glad for the opening, but you wonder who died.

* It's useless to print roadmaps anymore. You just get on the highway and go wherever the other cars take you.

* The only way to get home from work on time is to take the day off... even then, you're cutting it close.

* Traffic is so bad nowadays, a pedestrian is someone in a hurry.

* You can sit on the highways forever. In fact, some places have little exit ramps where you can pull over and make a car payment.

* During rush hour the only way you can change lanes is to buy the car driving next to you.

* Remember the good old days when traffic used to be bumper to bumper? Now it's windshield wiper to windshield wiper.

* Our highways have become insane asylums with turn signals.

Truck Wreck
A gay man was driving his sports car around the corner, when an eighteen-wheeler pulled out of the alley and directly in front of his way. The sports car plows into the truck and totally demolishes the front end of the sports car.

The gay man jumps out of the car, comes tearing around the side of the truck where the truck driver is, and hollers,

"You did that on purpose! You just pulled right out in front of me!"

The truck driver says, "Suck my DXXX."

Waving his hands, "Don't try to sweet talk me out of it!!! I'm really fucking PISSED here!"

Yahoo
An attractive woman from New York was driving through a remote part of Texas when her car broke down. An Indian on horseback came along and offered her a ride to a nearby town. She climbed up behind him on the horse and they rode off.

The ride was uneventful except that every few minutes, the Indian would let out a whoop so loud that it would echo from the surrounding hills. When they arrived in town, he let her off at the local service station, yelled one final yahoo and rode off.

"What did you do to get that Indian so excited?" asked the service station attendant. "Nothing. I merely sat behind him on the horse, put my arms around his waist and held onto his saddle horn so I wouldn't fall off."

Lady, the attendant said, Indians ride bareback.