Some Honest Toy Disclaimers
* No beanies or babies harmed in the manufacture of this product.

* Warning: This fad will disappear in 6 weeks.

* Caution: Care Bears do not actually care very much.

* Warning: This toy produces substantially less childish glee in real life than it does in the TV commercial.

* Some dismemberment may occur.

* Do not purchase this toy at all. Put it back on the shelf! NOW!! Just walk away, timid little man.

* Do not stare at product. Hey! You're doing it now! Cut that out!!

* In case of breakage, scream until dad buys a replacement.

* Not to be taken internally, literally or seriously.

* Do not attempt to combine your Ultra Mega Warrior with your cat to make Ultra Mega Cat Warrior.

Stupid Warning Labels
Cell phones: "Phone should always be in the off position before being lodged up your ass by the angry motorist you just rear-ended."

Jaegermeister: "What can you possibly be thinking?"

Viagra: "Just remember, chump, you're STILL fat, bald and ugly!"

The Clapper: "Use of this product near a construction site is not recommended."

Pineapple: "Not to be inserted rectally. No, seriously -- it's not a good idea."

Rogaine: "Excessive use may result in a career as a boxing promoter."

Zima: "Merely holding this bottle is obliterating your already-remote prospects of getting laid."

Raquel Welch: "Contents may have settled."

Windows 2000: "May cause unpredictable behavior and loss or corruption of d$@@NQ t!"z +~]]J; FATAL EX&~d"

Whitman Sampler: "Caution - you never know what you're gonna git."

El Presidente Cigars: "Should only be enjoyed orally."

Prozac: "Whatever”