Women Are Like...
Women are like blue jeans,
They look good for a while but eventually they fade and have to be replaced.

Women are like computers,
they take too long to warm up and a better model always comes along once you've already got one.

Women are like country western songs,
They're annoying, they all sound alike, but if you really listen to them you'll get depressed and drink a lot.

Women are like fax machines,
Useful for one very specific purpose but otherwise just high-maintenance paperweights.

Women are like horses,
Fun to pet and ride but a pain to feed and clean up after.

Women are like parking meters,
If you don't feed them with enough money you face serious consequences.

Women are like parking places,
The good ones are taken and the rest are handicapped.

Women are like political campaign contributors, If you let them talk about themselves long enough you wind up in bed with them.

Women are like refrigerators,
They're always cold and never seem to have a beer when you need one.

Women are like Saran Wrap,
Useful but clingy.

Women are like the stock market,
They're irrational and can bankrupt you if you're not careful.

Women are like turnpikes,
You pay to get on them, and you pay to get off them.

The One Flaw In Women:
By the time the Lord made woman, he was into his sixth day of working overtime. An angel appeared and said, "Why are you spending so much time on this one?"

And the Lord answered, "Have you seen my spec sheet on her? She has to be completely washable, but not plastic, have over 200 movable parts, all replaceable and able to run on diet coke and leftovers, have a lap that can hold four children at one time, have a kiss that can cure anything from a scraped knee to a broken heart-and she will do everything with only two hands."

The angel was astounded at the requirements. "Only two hands!? No way! And that's just on the standard model? That's too much work for one day. Wait until tomorrow to finish."

"But I won't," the Lord protested. "I am so close to finishing this creation that is so close to my own heart. She already heals herself when she is sick AND can work 18 hour days."

The angel moved closer and touched the woman. "But you have made her so soft, Lord."

"She is soft," the Lord agreed, "but I have also made her tough. You have no idea what she can endure or accomplish."

"Will she be able to think?", asked the angel.

The Lord replied, "Not only will she be able to think, she will be able to reason and negotiate."

The angel then noticed something, and reaching out, touched the woman's cheek. "Oops, it looks like you have a leak in this model. I told you that you were trying to put too much into this one."

"That's not a leak," the Lord corrected, "that's a tear!"

"What's the tear for?" the angel asked.

The Lord said, "The tear is her way of expressing her joy, her sorrow, her pain, her disappointment, her love, her loneliness, her grief and her pride."

The angel was impressed. "You are a genius, Lord. You thought of everything! Woman is truly amazing."