Gallagher opened the morning newspaper and was dumbfounded to read in the obituary column that he had died.

He quickly phoned his best friend, Finney. "Did you see the morning paper?" asked Gallagher. "They say I'm dead!"

"Saw it," replied Finney. "Where're calling' from?"

Things You Would Not Want To Appear In Your Obituary
The statement..."The animal was eventually captured..."

The statement..."Found dressed like Judy Garland..."

Any usage of the word "Mob"...usually is preceded by "Angry" or followed by "Hit"

The statement...."Found in a refrigerator..."

Any mention of the word "Propeller"...

Any mention of the words "lingering or festering"....

The statement..."Found naked in the Oval Office...."

Any mention of the words "Ironic", wouldn't that indicate that you died doing something you liked or should have been familiar with????

The inclusion of the words "Suffocated, buried, elephant shit"...

Any mention of the words "Midget and Sex"...