Signs That Its Time To Do The Laundry
You're wearing your last pair of underwear in the shower consistently.

You've worn your sheets to school because you can't get them off of you.

Your socks act like a shirt does when its heavily starched and emit a serious funk.

Your roommate walks around wearing a full body medical suit like they did in the movie "Outbreak" to avoid catching the Ebola virus.

The Snuggle Bear on the softener bottle officially died last week.

The DEA's drug sniffing dog is always coming by to sniff your laundry because the strong stench makes him think you have 28 tons of pot in your closet.

Even after sewing 28 spring scented dryer sheets to the inside of your shirt, your friends still say you reek.

The phrase "Wash Me" is visibly written in your jeans.

Your red T-shirt is now green.

The boss pulls you aside to remind you that your company's casual days does not include your college graduation gown and scuba diving fins.

Dear Tide:

I'm writing to tell you what an excellent product you have! I've used it since the beginning of my married life, ever since my Mom told me it was the best. Now that I am older and going through menopause, I find it even better! In fact, about a month ago, I spilled some red wine on my new white blouse.

My unfeeling and uncaring husband started to berate me about how clumsy I was and generally started becoming a pain in the neck. One thing led to another and I ended up with some of his blood on my white blouse. I tried to get the stain out using a bargain detergent, but it just wouldn't come out.

After a quick trip to the supermarket, I purchased a bottle of liquid Tide with bleach alternative, and to my surprise and satisfaction, all of the stains came out! In fact, the stains came out so well, that when the detectives came by yesterday, they told me that the DNA tests on my blouse were negative, and then my attorney called and said that I would no longer be considered a suspect in the disappearance of my husband. What a relief.

Well, got to go. I have to write a letter to the Hefty bag people in the disappearance of my husband. What a relief.

I thank you, once again, for having such a great product.