Rules for Dining Out
* Rule number one: If you're traveling, never ever eat in any place called "Mom's" -- well, unless the only other places in town to dine are named "Eats" and "Dirty Harry's".

* Rule number two: If you've entered a restaurant in the "Little Italy" section of the town, and you've noticed all the waiters are wearing shoulder hostlers, you'd better just leave.

* Rule number three: If you're waiting in line to be seated at a nice restaurant, you can always figure a wait of two hours or a twenty -- whichever comes first.

* Rule number four: If you're given a choice of tables by the maitre d'hotel, my suggestion is that you always request one near a waiter.

* Rule number five: If you notice that the tablecloth and the napkins are made of a better material than any suit you own, you'd better hope your credit card is not maxed-out.

* Rule number six: If you're in a fancy restaurant and you find you cannot pronounce some dish on the menu, chances are you probably can't afford it either.

* Rule number seven: If you've been served bread and rolls while awaiting your meal, and you find the place is using a cheap substitute for margarine, you'd probably better just leave.

* Rule number eight: If you notice a bottle of Maalox along with a variety of other antacids among the condiments on the table, you'd probably better not order anything spicy.

Two vampires wanted to go out to eat but were having a little trouble deciding where to go. They were a little tired of the local food in Transylvania and wanted something a little more exotic. After some discussion, they decided to go to Italy, because they had heard that Italian food was really good.

So off they went to Italy and ended up in Venice. On a bridge over one the canals, they hid in the shadows and waited for dinner. A few minutes later they noticed a young couple walking their way. As they neared, the vampires made their move.

Each vampire grabbed a person, sucked them dry, and tossed the remaining bodies into the canal below. The vampires were extremely pleased with their meal and decided to have seconds.

Another young couple approached a few minutes later and suffered the same fate as the first.........sucked dry and tossed into the canal below!

Our vampires are now fairly full but decide to get dessert.

In a short while a third young couple provides just that. As with the first two couples, these people were also sucked dry and tossed over the rail into the canal. The vampires decided that they had had a marvelous dinner. Now it was time to head back home to be sure to beat the sunrise.

As they started to walk away, they began to hear some singing. They were puzzled because no one else was on the bridge. As they listened, they realized that it was coming from the canal. They looked over the rail and saw a big alligator in the water under the bridge, feasting on the bodies. They listened as the alligator sang:

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You don't know what the alligator sang, do you?

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Don't you just hate this scrolling?

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Are you ready?

Are you sure?

Here it comes....

This is great!

"Drained wops keep falling on my head"