How many women with PMS does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. ONE!! And do you know WHY it only takes ONE? Because no one else in this house knows HOW to change a light bulb. They don't even know the bulb is BURNED OUT. They would sit in this house in the dark for THREE DAYS before they figured it OUT. And once they figured it out they wouldn't be able to find the light bulbs despite the fact that they've been in the SAME CUPBOARD for the past SEVENTEEN YEARS.

But if they did, by some miracle, actually find the light bulbs, two days later the chair that they dragged from two rooms over to stand on to change the stupid light bulb would still be in the same spot!! And underneath it would be the crumpled wrapper the stupid @*!#$% light bulbs came in! Why?! Because no one in this house ever carries out the garbage!!

It's a wonder we haven't all suffocated from the piles of garbage that are 12 feet deep throughout the entire house. The house!! It would take an army to clean this... I'm sorry... What did you ask me?

The Seven Dwarfs of Menopause arrived at my door without warning:
Itchy, Bitchy, Sweaty, Sleepy, Bloated, Forgetful and All-Dried-Up.

One by one they crept into my own private cottage in the woods and started to take over my life.

The first to arrive was Itchy. I developed this itch on my right calf that was so irritating, I wanted to scratch the skin right off my body.

Then Bitchy came to my door. No longer was my PMS contained to one or two days a month--it felt like constant PMS.

Then I would swing from Bitchy to Weepy for God's sake, what was wrong with me?

Ding-dong......It's the middle of the night and Sweaty has crawled into bed with me. Oh, yes, Sweaty brought embarrassing hot flashes and introduced me to night sweats where it seemed as if a faucet had been attached between my breasts.

Of course Sweaty brought about Sleepy, because I was tired all the time. I would wake up so many times in the night and not be able to get back to sleep.

Bloated crept in slowly, my once-svelte figure got thick through the middle section, even though I was following my weight-loss program that had worked so well for so many years!

I can't quite remember when Forgetful arrived, but one day my brain stopped working. I considered myself a pretty focused woman until Forgetful came, and I could not keep a coherent thought in my brain. Am I getting Alzheimer's? I wondered.

Last, All-Dried-Up slowly encroached upon my happy marriage. This was probably the most unpleasant of the dwarf family. Sex was no longer on the top of my list...or on my list at all. My husband would give me that knowing look, and I would think, "Frankly, I'd rather have a smoothie