A guy traveling through the prairies of the USA stopped at a small town and went to a bar. He stood at the end of the bar, ordered a drink, and lit up a cigar.

As he sipped his drink, he stood there quietly blowing smoke rings.

After he blew nine or ten smoke rings into the air, an angry American Indian stomped up to him and said, "One more remark like that and I'll smash your face in!"

A fellow walks into a bar, and it's empty except for the bartender at the other end of the bar washing some glasses. The bartender says, "Have a seat anywhere and I'll be with you in a few minutes. There's a bowl of peanuts on the counter, have some while you wait."

So the fellow sits down and grabs a handful of peanuts, but he hears someone say, "Hey, that's a sharp suit you've got on." Well, the bar is empty, so the guy wonders where in the world that voice is coming from.

He takes another handful of peanuts, and again, a voice says, "And that's a nice tie that goes really well with that suit." By now the fellow is really baffled. The bartender comes over and says, "Ok, what'll you have, mister?"

The fellow says, "Listen, before I order, I want to ask you a question. Where are those voices coming from?"

The bartender replies, "Oh, I forgot to tell you, the peanuts are complimentary."

Bartender: "What'll you have?"

Consumer: "A scotch, please."

The bartender hands him the drink, and says, "That'll be five dollars.

The imbiber says, "What are you talking about? I don't owe you anything for this."

A lawyer, sitting nearby and overhearing the conversation, then offers, "You know, he's got you there. In the original offer, which constitutes a binding contract upon acceptance, there was no stipulation of remuneration.

The bartender was not impressed, but says to the smiling drinker, "Okay, you beat me for a drink. But don't ever let me catch you in here again.

The next day, the winner walks into the bar.

The bartender says, "What the heck are you doing in here? I can't believe you've got the nerve to come back!"

"What are you talking about? I've never been in this place in my life!"

"I bet," says the bartender. "You must have a double then."

Thank you! Make it a Scotch!

A businessman enters a tavern, sits down at the bar, and orders a double martini on the rocks. After he finishes the drink, he peeks inside his shirt pocket, then orders the bartender to prepare another double martini. After he finishes that it, he again peeks inside his shirt pocket and orders the bartender to bring another double martini.

The bartender says, "Look, buddy, I'll bring ya' martinis all night long - but you gotta tell me why you look inside your shirt pocket before you order a refill."

The customer replies, "I'm peeking at a photo of my wife...

When she starts to look good, I know it's time to go home."