Signs You're Already a Grown-up
- Your potted plants stay alive.
- Having sex in a twin sized bed is absurd.
- You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
- 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to sleep.
- You hear your favorite song on an elevator.
- You carry an umbrella. You watch the Weather Channel.
- Your friends marry and divorce instead of hookup and breakup.
- You go from 130 days of vacation time to 7.
- Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as 'dressed up.'
- You're the one calling the police because those darn kids next door don't know how to turn down the stereo.
- Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.
- You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.
- Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.
- You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonald's.
- Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.
- You no longer take naps from noon to 6 p.m.
- Dinner and a movie - The whole date instead of the beginning of one.
- MTV News is no longer your primary source for information.
- You go to the drugstore for Ibuprofen and antacids, not condoms and pregnancy test kits.
- A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer 'pretty good stuff'.
- You actually eat breakfast foods at breakfast time.
- Grocery lists are longer than macaroni & cheese, diet Pepsi & Ding Dongs.
- "I just can't drink the way I used to" replaces "I'm never going to drink that much again."
- Over 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.
- You don't drink at home to save money before going to a bar.
- You read this entire list looking for one sign that doesn't apply to you.
Senior
Moment
An elderly Floridian called 911 on her cell phone to report that her car
has been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains her situation
to the dispatcher: "They've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel,
the brake pedal and even the accelerator!" she cried. The dispatcher
said, "Stay calm. An officer is on the way."
A few minutes later, the officer radios in. "Disregard." He says. "She got in the back-seat by mistake.
"I
Can Hear Just Fine!"
Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf one fine March
day.
One remarked to the other, "Windy, isn't it?"
"No," the second man replied, "it's Thursday."
And the third man chimed in, "So am I. Let's have a beer."
Senior
Driving
As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang.
Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman,
I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Interstate
77. Please be careful!"
"Hell,"
said Herman, "It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!"
