Investments
STOCK: A magical piece of paper that is worth $33.75 until the moment
you buy it. It will then be worth $8.50.
BOND: What you had with your spouse until you pawned his/her golf clubs to invest in Amazon.com.
BROKER: The person you trust to help you make major financial decisions. Please note the first five letters of this word spell "Broke".
BEAR: What your trade account and wallet will be when you take a flyer on that hot stock tip your secretary gave you.
BULL: What your broker uses to explain why your mutual funds tanked during the last quarter.
MARGIN: Where you scribble the latest quotes when you're supposed to be listening to your manager's presentation.
SHORT POSITION: A type of trade where, in theory, a person sells stocks he doesn't actually own. Since this also only ever works in theory, a short position is what a person usually ends up being in (i.e. "The rent, sir? Hahaha, well, I'm a little short this month.").
COMMISSION: The only reliable way to make money on the stock market, which is why your broker charges you one.
YAK: What you do into a pail when you discover your stocks have plunged and your broker is making a margin call.
A Buck is a dollar and dough is money. Why are deer called a buck and a doe?
Does this mean we should call our loose change fawns?
Did you ever consider that a Budget is simply a method for going broke methodically?
Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID in the United States that he just whipped out a quarter?
Don't you already have enough money to last you for the rest of your life as long as you don't buy anything?
Have you ever wondered how much money in pennies is lying in the streets of the world?
How come the buck never stops here? I sure could use a few, couldn't you?
How come we used to save our money all year just to go on a vacation but now we have to do that just to go to a major sporting event?
How come when you go to a gas station today you usually find the cash register open and the toilets locked? Are they trying to tell us that toilet paper is worth more than money?
How come whenever anybody mentions that old saying about a fool and his money they never ever say a fool and HER money?
How did a fool and his money ever GET together?
How many quarters make a whole dime?
If all the nations in the world are in debt where did all the money go?
If money can't buy happiness can you rent it?
Is it morally wrong to allow suckers to keep their money?
Is the reason it's called cold cash because it's never in your pockets long enough to get warm?
Isn't it the LACK of money that is the root of all evil?
Of all the comparisons why dough and money?
Shouldn't we all be given the chance to prove that money can't make us happy?
Shouldn't we all be saving our money in case it becomes valuable again someday?
Sure money can't buy you happiness but won't it pay for a ride to the place where they give it away?
There's a president on every American bill yet on the hundred dollar bill you got Ben Franklin. Since when did he become a president? And if he was then how come the people weren't notified about it?
They say that money is the root of all evil. Doesn't a person need roots?
They say that MONEY TALKS. Why is it that all mine ever says is GOODBYE?
When checking your coins to see if they are valuable how do you know if the heads and tails are on the wrong sides?
Why do people need a lot of money when they don't have any time to spend it?
Why do people run after money? Shouldn't they be running towards it?
Why do they call it 'spare' change?
Why do you never want the one you can afford?
Why does a budget help you pay as you go only if you don't go anywhere?
Why does a dollar look so big when you take it to church but so small when you take it to the store?
Why don't people who believe in re-incarnation leave all their money to themselves?
Why is it that by the time you can make ends meet they move the ends?
Why is it that if you drop coins at a vending machine they will always roll under the machine?
Why is it that Lincoln is the only President of all US Coinage who looks to the Right?
