Eleven Step Guide to Being Handy Around the House
If you can't find a screwdriver, use a knife.
If you break off the tip, it's an improved screwdriver.
Try
to work alone.
An audience is rarely any help.
Despite what you may have been told by your mother, praying and cursing are both helpful in home repair ... but only if you are working alone.
Work in the kitchen whenever you can ... many fine tools are there, its warm and dry, and you are close to the refrigerator.
If it's electronic, get a new one ... or consult a twelve-year-old.
Stay simple minded: Get a new battery; replace the bulb or fuse; see if the tank is empty; try turning it to the "on" switch; or just paint over it.
Always take credit for miracles. If you dropped the alarm clock while taking it apart and it suddenly starts working, you have healed it.
Regardless of what people say, kicking, pounding, and throwing sometimes DOES help.
If something looks level, it is level.
If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.
Above all, if what you've done is stupid, but it works, then it isn't stupid.
Handy
Man
My husband decided life would be easer if he wired a new light switch
in the master bedroom to save us from fumbling in the dark for the lamp.
He had cut through the drywall and found a stash of bottles and small boxes inside the wall.
"Honey," he called excitedly. "Come see what I found!
I ran in and quickly realized that his next task would be to fix the hole that now led to the back of our medicine cabinet.
Cake
or Bed
A Husband is at home watching a football game when his wife interrupts,
"Honey, could you fix the light in the hallway? It's been flickering
for weeks now."
He looks at her angrily, "Fix the lights now?" "Does it look like I have GE written on my forehead? I don't think so."
Fine, then the wife asks, "Well then, could you fix the fridge door? It won't close right."
To which he replied, "Fix the fridge door? Does it look like I have Westinghouse written on my forehead? I don't think so."
"Fine", she says, "Then could you at least fix the steps to the front door? They are about to break."
"I'm not a damm carpenter and I don't want to fix steps." He says, "Does it look like I have Ace Hardware written on my forehead? I don't think so. I've had enough of you. I'm going to the bar!!!"
So he goes to the bar and drinks for a couple of hours.
He starts
to feel guilty about how he treated his wife and decides to go home. As
he walks into the house he notices that the steps are already fixed.
As he enters the house, he sees the hall light is working. As he goes
to get a beer, he notices the fridge door is fixed.
"Honey", he asks, "How'd all this get fixed?"
She said, "Well, when you left I sat outside and cried.
Just then a nice young man asked me what was wrong and I told him. He offered to do all the repairs and all I had to do was either go to bed with him or bake a cake."
He said, "So what kind of cake did you bake?"
She replied, "Helloooo....... Do you see Betty Crocker written on my forehead? I don't think so!"
