The
Novice Skier
One day a novice skier went up a mountain that any beginner should have
avoided. No one would have blamed her if she stayed behind. At 12 below
zero, even Frosty the Snowman would have opted for a warm fire. Hardly
a day for snow skiing, but her husband insisted. So she went.
While waiting in the lift line, she realized she was in dire need of a bathroom. Assured there was a restroom at the top of the lift, she endured the bouncy ride, only to find there was no facility. She began to panic. Her husband had an idea: why not go out into the woods? Since she was wearing an all white outfit, she'd blend in with the snow.
What
choice did she have? She skied past the tree line and arranged her ski
suit at half-mast. Unfortunately, her husband hadn't told her to remove
her skis.
Inadvertently, she began sliding backwards across the slope, without
a chance to make herself presentable. With arms flailing and skis sailing,
she sped under the very lift she'd just ridden and collided with a pylon.
As she scrambled to cover herself, she discovered that her arm was broken. Fortunately, her husband raced to her rescue. He summoned the ski patrol, who transported her to the hospital.
While being treated in the emergency room, a man with a broken leg was
carried in and placed next to her. By now she'd regained her composure
enough to make small talk.
"So, how'd you break your leg?" she asked.
"It was the strangest thing you ever saw," he explained.
"I was riding up the ski lift and suddenly there was this crazy woman skiing backwards, at top speed, with her ski suit down around her knees. I couldn't believe my eyes, so I leaned over to get a better look. I guess I didn't realize how far I'd moved. I fell out of the lift."
The he turned to her and asked, "So, how'd you break your arm?"
The following is taken from a Florida newspaper:
A man was working on his motorcycle on his patio and his wife was in the house in the kitchen. The man was racing the engine on the motorcycle and somehow, the motorcycle slipped into gear. The man, still holding the handlebars, was dragged through a glass patio door and the motorcycle dumped onto the floor inside the house.
The wife, hearing the crash, ran into the dining room, and found her husband laying on the floor, cut and bleeding, the motorcycle laying next to him and the patio door shattered. The wife ran to the phone and summoned an ambulance.
Because they lived on a fairly large hill, the wife went down the several flights of long steps to the street to direct the paramedics to her husband. After the ambulance arrived and transported the husband to the hospital, the wife uprighted the motorcycle and pushed it outside. Seeing that gas had spilled on the floor, the wife obtained some papers towels, blotted up the gasoline, and threw the towels in the toilet. The husband was treated at the hospital and was released to come home. After arriving home, he looked at the shattered patio door and the damage done to his motorcycle.
He became despondent, went into the bathroom, sat on the toilet and smoked a cigarette. After finishing the cigarette, he flipped it between his legs into the toilet bowl while still seated. The wife, who was in the kitchen, heard a loud explosion and her husband screaming. She ran into the bathroom and found her husband laying on the floor. His trousers had been blown away and he was suffering burns on the buttocks, the back of his legs and his groin. The wife again ran to the phone and called for an ambulance. The same ambulance crew was dispatched and the wife met them at the street. The paramedics loaded the husband on the stretcher and began carrying him to the street. While they were going down the stairs to the street accompanied by the wife, one of the paramedics asked the wife how the husband had burned himself. She told them and the paramedics started laughing so hard, one of them tipped the stretcher and dumped the husband out. He fell down the remaining steps and broke his arm.
Now THAT
is a bad day....
