Rest and Relaxation
Back in the 60s a US Navy cruiser put into port in Mobile, Alabama for
a week's R & R.
The first evening, the Captain was more than a little surprised to receive
the following letter from the wife of a very wealthy plantation owner
and industrialist:
Dear Captain: Thursday will be my daughter Susan's debutante ball. I
would like you to send four well-mannered, handsome, unmarried officers.
They should arrive at 8p.m. sharp, prepared for an evening of polite
Southern conversation and dancing with lovely young ladies.
PS: No Jews.
Sure enough, at 8 p.m. on Thursday, the lady followed her butler to
answer a rap at the door which was opened by the butler. She found in
dress uniform, four handsome, exquisitely mannered and smiling African
American naval officers.
"There must be some mistake." she stammered.
"Madam," said the first officer, "Captain Cohen doesn't
make mistakes."
Getting the Ship Under Way
A young ensign had nearly completed his first overseas tour of sea duty when he was given an opportunity to display his ability at getting the ship under way.
With a stream of crisp commands, he had the decks buzzing with men and soon, the ship had left port and was streaming out of the channel. The ensign's efficiency has been remarkable. In fact, the deck was abuzz with talk that he had set a new record for getting a destroyer under way.
The ensign glowed at his accomplishment and was not all surprised when another seaman approached him with a message from the captain. He was, however, a bit surprised to find that it was a radio message, and he was even more surprised when he read, "My personal congratulations upon completing your underway preparation exercise according to the book and with amazing speed. In your haste, however, you have overlooked one of the unwritten rules -
- make sure the captain is aboard before getting under way."
The Sailor Saves The Day
A young woman in New York was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean. She went down to the docks and was about to leap into the frigid water when a handsome young sailor saw her tottering on the edge of the pier, crying.
He took pity on her and said, "Look, you've got a lot to live for. I'm off to Europe in the morning, and if you like, I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take good care of you and bring you food every day." Moving closer, he slipped his arm round her shoulder and added, "I'll keep you happy, and you'll keep me happy."
The girl nodded yes. After all, what did she have to lose? Maybe a fresh start in Europe would give her life new meaning.
That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a lifeboat. From then on, every night he brought her three sandwiches and a piece of fruit, and they made passionate love until dawn.
Three weeks later, during a routine inspection, she was discovered by the captain. "What are you doing here?" the captain asked. "I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she explained. "I get food and a trip to Europe, and he's screwing me."
"He
sure is, lady," the captain said. "This is the Staten Island
Ferry."
