The following is supposedly an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term. The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.
Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.
One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.
As for how
many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different Religions that
exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are
not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell.
Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.
With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.
This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
So which is it?
If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, "it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you", and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number 2 must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct...leaving only Heaven thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God."
This Student Received The Only "A”
The Top Signs You're Having Trouble Adjusting to College
You just can't get your day going without the morning announcements and Pledge of Allegiance.
Despite having the hottest live dorm sex-cam on campus, the other kids at BYU just don't seem to accept you.
Forget the kegger with the Tri-Delts this Friday -- you've got some Ruminations to write!
Passing high school chemistry by sleeping with your teacher worked well, but the irony of passing freshman ethics by sleeping with your teacher is driving you nuts.
"Aww, c'mon guys. We just went out drinking last night!"
That backpack you made out of your blankie isn't fooling anyone.
Your fraternity brothers are doubting your claim that the rubber sheets are due to an allergy to cotton.
You're anxious to find out if you got an A on your cat- dissection project. But you're not taking a biology class, and your art professor seems to be avoiding you.
Due to a misunderstanding, your cramming for exams involves K-Y jelly.
You think "carrying a full load" means you haven't had a girlfriend in awhile.
Animal Husbandry isn't exactly what you expected when you signed up for it.
The good news: You have a 3.5 average; The bad news:That's your blood alcohol content.
You feel so awkward and unpopular that you quit the Young Republicans and join the Junior Reform Party.
The friendly wager you made with your new roommate about who would score first apparently has nothing to do with your Pokemon skills.
Your mother turns on Dateline's story about college binge drinking just in time to see you vomit on Jane Pauley.
