Buyagra: Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping. Increases potency and duration of spending spree.
Damitol: Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 hours.
Empty Nestrogen: Highly effective suppository that eliminates melancholy by enhancing the memory of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait till they moved out.
Peptobimbo: Liquid silicone for single women. Two full cups swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and improves flirting.
Dumerol: When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low IQ causing enjoyment of country western music.
Antiboyotics: When administered to teenage girls, is highly effective in improving grades, freeing up phone lines, and reducing money spent on make-up.
Menicillin: Potent antiboyotic for older women. Increases resistance to such lines as, "You make me want to be a better person? & Can we get naked now?"
St. Mom's Wort: Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to six hours.
Extra Strength Buy-One-All: When combined with Buyagra, can cause
an indiscriminate buying frenzy so severe the victim may even come home
with a Donny Osmond CD or a book by Dr. Laura.
JackAsspirin: Relieves headache caused by a man who can't remember your birthday, anniversary or phone number.
Antitalksident: A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share their life stories with total strangers.
Sexcedrin: More effective than Excedrin in treating the, "Not now, dear, I have a headache," syndrome.
Ragamat: When administered to a husband, provides the same irritation as ragging on him all weekend, saving the wife the time and trouble of doing it herself.
Flipitor: Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.
Men-Gay: A rub-in ointment that enables single women to identify who to cross off the dating pool.
