An old man goes to the Wizard of Oz to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years.

The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you."

The old man says without hesitation, "I now pronounce you man and wife."

Ways the Wizard of Oz Would Be Different If It Were Made Today (PG)

10. Grizzly scene in which Dorothy blasts flying monkeys out of the sky with an Uzi

9. "Katie bar the door! There's a giant asteroid headed straight for Oz!"

8. Dorothy steps outside and says, "Like, this is so not Kansas!"

7. Instead of "oil," tin man moans, "Viagra."

6. Kathie Lee Gifford plays Dorothy -- audience roots for witch

5. It would be named "Twister II"

4. To prepare for his role as the Scarecrow, DeNiro would actually have his brain removed

3. Lovable dog Toto replaced by lovable droid T.O.T.O.

2. "Lions and tigers and bears, oh fu**!"

1. New title -- "Wiz Got Game"

The Politicians and the Wizard of OZ
The last four ex-U.S. Presidents are caught in a tornado, and off they whirled to OZ. They finally make it to the Emerald City and came before the Great Wizard.

"WHAT BRINGS YOU BEFORE THE GREAT WIZARD OF OZ?"

Jimmy Carter stepped forward timidly:" I've come for some courage."

"NO PROBLEM!" says the Wizard. "WHO IS NEXT?"

Ronald Reagan steps forward, "Well........., I.......I think I need a brain."

"DONE" says the Wizard. "WHO COMES NEXT BEFORE THE GREAT AND POWERFUL OZ?"

Up stepped George Bush sadly, "I'm told by the American people that I need a heart."

"I'VE HEARD IT'S TRUE!" says the Wizard. "CONSIDER IT DONE."

There is a great silence in the hall. Bill Clinton is just standing there, looking around, but doesn't say a word. Irritated, the Wizard finally asks, "WHAT DO YOU WANT?"

"Is Dorothy here?"