Texas Baby
A Texan is drinking in a New York bar, when he gets a call on his cell phone. He hangs up, grinning from ear to ear, and orders a round of drinks for everybody in the bar because, he announces his wife has just produced a typical Texas baby boy weighing 25 pounds. Nobody can believe that any new baby can weigh in at 25 pounds, but the Texan just shrugs: That's about average down home, Folks. Like I said, 'My boy's a typical Texas baby boy.'"

Congratulations showered him from all around, and many exclamations of "WOW!" were heard.

Two weeks later, he returns to the bar. The bartender says: “Say, you're the father of that typical Texas baby that weighed 25 pounds at birth. Everybody's been makin' bets about how big he'd be in two weeks. We were gonna call you. So, how much does he weigh now?

The proud father answers: “Seventeen pounds”.

The bartender is puzzled, and concerned: What happened? He weighed 25 pounds the day he was born. The Texas father takes a slow swig from his long-neck Lone Star beer, wipes his lips on his shirt sleeve, leans into the bartender and proudly says: “Had him circumcised.”

New Invention
A scientist from Texas A&M University has invented a bra that keeps women's breasts from jiggling and prevents the nipples from pushing through the fabric when cold weather sets in.

At a news conference announcing the invention, a large group of men took the scientist outside and kicked the shit out of him.

Rodeo
A city slicker named Tommy was on vacation in Texas. His hosts, being very hospitable, invited him to the local rodeo especially to see the greatest bucking bronco of all time, Blue Steel.

Blue Steel was famed and renowned throughout the West for being the toughest meanest horse there ever was. He had seen off so many would-be riders that the rodeo organizers had promised $10,000 for anyone who could ride him just for 10 seconds.

That afternoon, all the local Cowboys tried their best but Blue Steel lived up to his reputation and threw them all off with the greatest of ease.

As a joke the organizers then offered the prize to anyone in the crowd who would dare to tangle with such a beast.

Up jumped Tommy and of course everyone laughed at him. But the organizers decided to let the city boy have a try.

Blue Steel bucked and lunged but Tommy not only stayed on the horse for 10 seconds but he stayed on for 20 seconds, then 30, then a minute! A few minutes more and Blue Steel was so exhausted he calmed down and Tommy rode him all around the ring like a birthday party pony.

Everyone was astonished. "Considering you've never even sat on a horse before," said Tommy's friends "how on earth did you manage that?"

"Easy," said Tommy "my wife's an epileptic."