Things You Don't Want To Hear During Surgery

Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy.

Someone call the janitor - we're going to need a mop.

Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what's that?

Hand me that...uh...that uh.....thingie.

Ya know, there's big money in kidneys. Heck, the guy's got two of 'em.

Everybody stand back! I lost my contact lens!

Could you stop that thing from beating? It's throwing my concentration off!

What's this doing here?

That's cool! Now can you make his leg twitch?!

I wish I hadn't forgotten my glasses.

Well, folks, this will be an experiment for all of us.

Sterile, shcmeril. The floor's clean, right?

Anyone see where I left that scalpel?

OK, now take a picture from this angle. This is truly a freak of nature.

Nurse, did this patient sign the organ donation card?

Rats! Page 47 of the manual is missing!

The Picture
After a long night of making love this guy rolls over and was looking around when he noticed a framed picture of another man on the nightstand by the bed.

Naturally, the guy began to worry. "Is this your husband?" he inquired nervously.

"No, silly", she replied, snuggling up to him.

"Your boyfriend then?" he asked.

"No, not at all." she said, nibbling away at his ear.

"Well, who is he then?" demanded the bewildered guy.

Calmly, the girl replied, "That's me before the surgery."

Caller Question
The famous sex therapist was on the radio taking questions when a caller asked, "Doctor, I want to know, why do men always want to marry a virgin?"

To which the doctor handily responded, "To avoid criticism."

Beautiful
A man was just waking! up from anesthesia after surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side. His eyes fluttered open and he said, "You're beautiful."

Then he fell asleep again. His wife had never heard him say that, so she stayed by his side. A few minutes later, his eyes fluttered open and he said, "You're cute!"

The wife was disappointed because instead of "beautiful," it was now "cute." She said, "What happened to 'beautiful'?"

The man replied, "The drugs are wearing off.