Ohhhhh, So Thats What It Means...

COFFEE (n.), a person who is coughed upon.

FLABBERGASTED (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.

ABDICATE (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

ESPLANADE (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.

WILLY-NILLY (adj.), impotent

NEGLIGENT (adj.), describes a condition in which you absent mindedly answer the door in your nightie.

LYMPH (v.), to walk with a lisp.

GARGOYLE (n.), an olive-flavored mouthwash.

FLATULENCE (n.) the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.

BALDERDASH (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.

TESTICLE (n.), a humorous question in an exam.

RECTITUDE (n.), the formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you.

OYSTER (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions.

CIRCUMVENT (n.), the opening in the front of boxer shorts.

FRISBEETARIANISM (n.), The belief that, when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there.

POKEMON (n), A Jamaican proctologist.

CARCINOMA (n.), a valley in California, notable for its heavy smog.

SARCHASM: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the reader who doesn't get it.

REINTARNATION: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

INOCULATTE: To take coffee intravenously.

KARMAGEDDON: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like a serious bummer.

DOPELER EFFECT: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

INTAXICATION: Euphoria at getting a refund from the IRS, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

SEMANTICS -- n., pranks conducted by young men studying for the priesthood.

FOREPLOY: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.

OSTEOPORNOSIS: A degenerate disease (This one got extra credit!)

GLIBIDO: All talk and no action

IGNORANUS: The person who’s both stupid and an asshole.